Friday, April 27, 2007

Tonight

This night is not that good.
I'm in a bad condition since this stomach has been aching for a day
I was absent at work and slept the whole day.

Then you called...
A thing that I thought you'll never do again...
You're the last person I expected.

We talked for hours...
A great conversation that I've been missing for months
and heart felt laughters that I never had for days.

It seems that nothing had changed
Though it's been several years since then...

I never said I miss you...
But you do.

Well then, I would like to say I did.
However it won't change my mind that he's the only chance I'll take.
I'm sorry.

She's happy with you.
You need to take care of her.
Stay happy, because I am, for you.

I'm glad you're okay...
That call made me feel better...
My stomachache subsides now.
Thank you for that.

Switchfoot - On Fire

Tell you where you need to go
Tell you who you need to be
Tell you what you need to know
Tell you when you’ll need to leave

But everything inside you knows
Says more than what you’ve heard
So much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

Chorus:

And you’re on fire
When he’s near you
You’re on fire
When he speaks
You’re on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be... (near you)

Cause everything inside looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
YOU ARE THE ONLY CHANCE I'LL TAKE

Chorus

When I’m on fire
When you’re near me
I’m on fire
When you speak
And I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I’m standing on the edge of me (x3)
I’m standing on the edge

Chorus

And I’m on fire
When you’re near you
I’m on fire
When you speak
(yea) I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries...


Monday, April 23, 2007

I repeatedly listened to Marie Mena's Just a Little Bit for more than an hour during my bus trip on my way home earlier this evening. Dunno why but this song really hits me... straight and badly.

Actually, I didn't notice much the song even though the volume of my mp3 player is loud enough for me to understand every word the singer says. My mind was somewhere else. Away from where I am. Away from the current scene where I sit comfortably by the window of the cold silent bus. My mind was not silent and not sitting still.

I was thinking of things. And I am thinking of him and this self-induced insanity. I don't know if I still need to hold on a little longer for something that I am not really sure of. I don't know if the decisions that I am choosing are the best for me. I don't if I'll wait or let go. I am in limbo and it doesn't make me feel that good... honestly.

Ding! I need to make up my mind.

And the song plays again.

"Perhaps if I was... Maybe I'd get there"

Just A Little Bit

Just A Little Bit
by Maria Mena (with my comments)

Just a little bit stronger (i'm trying)
Just a little bit wiser (there are a lot of things that I still need to know)
Just a little less needy (because I am very...)
And maybe I'd get there. (not only maybe... I always wish)

Just a little bit pretty (and a little more confident)
Just a little more aware (and attentive)
Just a little bit thinner (sexier?)
And maybe I'd get there... (I want really want to)

Clearly, clearly I remember (because I can't forget it)
Hiking up my skirt (haven't done it)
Asking for your time (Am I bothering you?)

Clearly, clearly I remember (...)
Nervous if ever confronted (Very nervous...)
And questioning myself (And anxious at the same time)

Perhaps, perhaps if I got better (This is one of the things that I always wanted.)
Perhaps if I challenged myself (Haven't I?)
Perhaps if I was (perhaps if I was... perhaps...)

Just a little bit stronger
Just a little bit wiser
Just a little less needy (How can I if I have none?)

Maybe I'd get there... (I'm dying to get there)

Clearly, clearly I remember
Pulling up my shirt
Staring blank ahead (yeah... just like a while ago at the bus)

Clearly, clearly I remember
Days of useless crying (I mean, nights of useless crying)
Almost feeling dead (As always)

Perhaps, perhaps if I was smaller (Or better again)
Perhaps, I could control myself (Yeah... perhaps if I could really control myself)
PERHAPS IF I WAS.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Hanep! mag-aalas diyes na ng gabi ng makauwi ako ng bahay galing sa OJT. Alas sais ang uwian namin. Naghapunan pa kami sa caferia ng aming opisina kaya't alas siete na kami nakaalis.

Patayan ang araw na 'to. Ala una ako natulog kagabi at gumising ng alas sais dahil may maaga kaming meeting sa school. Nakaalis naman agad ako ng bahay pero malupit ang traffic dito sa aming lugar. Halos tig-tatatlompung minutong nakatigil ang mga sasakyan bago ulit ito umandar. Kung aandar man, siguro malayo na ang dalawampung metro... tapos hinto ulit. Kaya wala ring napala ang paggising ko ng maaga dahil tinanghali ako ng dating sa school.

Pagdating ko sa school, nagpapirma lang kami ng mga dokumentong kailangang pirmahan ng aming adviser. Pagkatapos nun, nananghalian at umalis nanaman para pumasok na sa trabaho.

Pagdating sa trabaho. Saka ko na lang ikukwento. Pagod nako. Goodnight na muna. :-)

Sunday, April 08, 2007

NEURON ACTIVITIES

"Scientist have proved that human minds are linked with each other through neuron activities.

So if you're thinking of someone all day long without any reason at all... he/she is thinking of you too."

- Time Magazine


Gusto ko sanang sagutin ng isang malaking "OWS?" ang nagsend sa akin nito. Pero wala akong load. Wahaha! Kaya dito ko na lang ibubuhos sa blog ang comment at mga tanong ko para dyan. Hehe...

Actually, napaisip ako pagkareceive ko nyang message na yan. Hindi ako masyadong maniniwala kahit na Time Magazine pa ang nakalagay na source kaya ni-reresearch ko siya ngayon sa net. :-) Sa palagay mo, totoo kaya yun?

Pero kung iisipin mo, sa isang araw, marami kang naaalala na tao. Kahit nga yung pinakakinaiinisan mo aminin mo man o hindi, naaalala mo din sila. Minsan kapag may naiisip akong tao, kinakamusta ko sila. Pero mas madalas yung hindi. Mas madalas yung wala akong ginagawa para sabihin na naalala ko sila sa araw na yun. Hindi ako masyadong ganado sa pangangamusta ng mga tao. Depende sa mood at sa level ng boredom.

Hmm... bakit nga kaya ganun 'no? May iniisip ka sa buong maghapon na isang tao at hindi mo alam kung bakit mo siya iniisip. Pagkatapos, mapapaisip ka din kung iniisip ka din niya kahit na naniniwala kang hindi ka niya naiisip. Gets mo? Ang labo talaga.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

ANG COMSCI AT ANG ANOMALY

Ako'y katulad ni czah at ni ma'am cha na natuwa din sa article na 'to kaya ilalagay ko din sa aking blog. Salamat kay uh Polgas na isang Skater boy.

  • Sa link nito nanggaling ang article na yan.


  • Pero kung tinatamad ka mag-click at mag-intay sa pag-loload ng pc mo, dito mo na lang basahin. Hehe...

    ---

    ANG COMSCI AT ANG ANOMALY
    from: Uh
    www.peyups.com

    Isa akong logical na tao. Logical, ibig sabihin hinahanap ko ang mga rason para sa mga bagay at nagdedesisyon din ako base sa mga rason na ‘to. Mahilig akong magisip, at ito ang paborito kong pastime. Nakakalibang ang algebra, at math naman ang paborito kong subject. Mabilis rin ako sa minesweeper. Sigurado akong kaya kong ibreak ang record mo. Pati na rin siguro sa tekken kaya kitang karnehin. Na-solve ko rin ang rubik’s cube nang walang nagtuturo. At kahit nung bata pa lang ako kung kelan pa lang ako nagsisimulang magisip, sisiw lang kahit yung pinakasopistikadong jigsaw puzzle. At oo, bago pa man ako mag-aral, nung mga tatlong taon pa lang ako, sa unang beses kong makakita ng game-and-watch, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na balang araw e gagawa ako nito. Tamang tama, parang planado, at naging comsci nga ako.

    Planado na ngang talaga, at parang kalkulado ko lahat ng mga mangyayaring sunod sa buhay ko. Hawak ko ang Algorithm, ang perpektong Pseudocode ko. Lahat ng mga mangyayari alam ko na, na parang program na ako mismo ang sumulat. Oo, lahat.

    Lahat siguro alam ko na.

    Pwera ka.

    Oo, pwera ka. Ikaw lang siguro yung hindi ko nakalkula. Malamang nga, ikaw pa lang yung nakarating dito sa pinaka-loob ko kung saan nakasulat ang matibay at napaka-walang maling source code ko. At doon nagsimula. Nakaramdam ang robot. Nakalimutan nya ang rason, at nagsimula syang malito. Biglang ikaw na lang yung naging rason. Ikaw na lang. Bakit, sino ka nga ba? Kung ikaw ang millenium bug, malamang hindi ako Y2K ready. Wala akong alam sa ganitong sitwasyon, pero bakit parang ikaw na lang ang alam ko? Unang beses ‘to sa buong buhay ko, sa tinagal ng run-time ng algo ko, pero kung Tekken ang buhay, eto ako, naka-hold ng forward, hindi man lang nag-tag, at handa nang mamatay.

    Ikaw pa lang siguro yung nakarating dyan sa source code ko, o sa pinaka-kaluluwa ng isang taong katulad ko kung tawagin, kung saan ako pinaka-mahina, pinaka-hindi nagiisip, pinaka-talunan. Ano bang ginawa mo, at parang gusto kong sabihin sa buong mundo na mahal na kita? Hindi. Hindi lang siguro yun dahil sa mga mata mo na kaya akong lunurin, pero maging masaya pa rin na nalunod ako. Hindi. Nawala na ang rason, pero bakit parang wala pa ring mali?

    Kung Java program ako, isa kang Exception na hindi ko alam i-throw. At siguro, kung sa C, kahit magcompile hindi ko na magawa. Ikaw ang Anomaly ng Matrix ko, at kahit si Agent Smith o Merovingian e natalo mo. Ikaw na nga ang “why”, pati ba ang “what” ikaw pa rin? Sabihin mo naman sa akin kung pano mo ‘yon ginawa. Bakit? Ikaw ba yung the One? Kung ikaw nga, at alam kong ikaw nga, sana ayos lang sa’yo.

    Alam kong sinabi ko na sa’yo lahat, pero hindi ko alam kung naniwala ka. Pasensya na kung wala na akong magawang iba para maniwala ka. Salita. Yun lang. Pero hindi naman kasi “mahal kita” lang yung gusto kong sabihin e, marami pang iba. Hindi ko lang alam kung pano sabihin, o kung ano yung katumbas nun sa salita. Oo, hindi ko mahanap yung salita. Kahit siguro saan language – kahit sa C++ o Java, Pascal o Cobol, VBScipt o ActionScript. Kahit sa mas kumplikadong assembly language, o machine language. Kahit sa mga 1s at 0s ng binary, mga true o false ng boolean, o kahit saan pa.

    Pagpasensyahan mo na ang nakayanan ng isang comsci na walang alam sa salita, pero ngayon, uulitin ko, at maghihintay ako sa sasabihin mo, kahit kailan pa yon at kahit anuman yon, gaya ng sinabi ko sa'yo: Mahal kita.

    ###############
    Paunawa: Ang may akda ay kasalukuyang infected ng isang klase ng virus na uncleanable. Pagpasensyahan nyo na.

    ---

    Haha! inlab? Hindi, natuwa lang ako.